It's been awhile since I've done this blog thing. I'm not too fond of putting my thoughts onto a screen of white.. or any other color for that matter. I guess I do have a few things I could get out of my head though.
You know.. I go to AA meetings on a regular basis.. almost daily. Therein meaning that I get a lot out of my head on a daily basis. The concept of Alcoholics Anonymous or any other gathering of the sort, is quite amazing. I go and sit at a table with a bunch of people that I wouldn't otherwise normally associate with. Not that I wouldn't associate with them... just that it life has its quirks and our paths cross in odd ways. Besides all that confusion I just brought to mind, I sit with these people and talk about issues. Life or death issues, issues on love, hate, anger, resentment, confusion, acceptance, change, emotions, daily occurances... life in general really. These people sit there and listen to me and know exactly what Im talking about without me having to go into too much detail. they know the emotions associated with the topic. they know the outcome, the forward, the prestige. they know exactly the situation. at first I found it odd and annoying that I my life is not unique. that my situations are not a sole occurance. but as I go more and more I am so grateful that there are people out there that understand me. That know exactly who I am.. because they too.. are exactly like me. Our thinking is so freakishly similar. I have been to quite a few open talks, where people tell you what is what like, where the change came, and what its like now and 9 times out of 10, they are telling my story. they sit up there and speak my life back to me. Its freakin weird. I like it now though. I like having a place to go where I can just sit and be known...and I mena really known. where I can speak and be understood. Alcoholism isn't really a drinking problem at all.. quite the contrary.. we all have no problem drinking whatsoever. in fact I think we have perfected the activity. but no, really, alcoholism is a thinking problem.. the thoughts and emotions drive an adict to drink. "stinkin thinkin" hahaha
hmm. thats about as far as Im gonna go with that.
When I got sober 4 months ago, I was talking with a life long friend.. and she simply said, "Yeah, isn't life beautiful?" It brings tears to my eyes. Life is so unbelievably wonderful. I never knew. I just.. never knew. I was so afraid of what might be, of all the 'what ifs'.
I am so at peace today. I am so excited about what is to come in life. I have no idea what that may be but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I'm not scared of what tomorrow may bring. I welcome this existance like a child again and for that I am grateful.